Setting Healthy Boundaries In Your Relationship

When you think of boundaries, what comes to mind? So often, the idea of boundaries gets roped in with negative constructs. For example: creating rules for your partner or repairing something  “broken.”

The act of setting boundaries, however, is a healthy action we all should take in our relationships. Boundaries are important for outlining guidelines that meet both your and your partner's needs. They also help bring balance and respect to the mix.

Now, where do you begin? We’re here to help.

Boundaries to Consider

As you enter into a relationship, you merge a part of yourself with another person. The relationship becomes a unit. In order to keep your identity a separate entity and protect your overall well-being, different types of boundaries are beneficial.

Emotional Boundaries

It’s human nature to want to nurture your partner’s emotions and feelings. But, at the end of the day, their happiness lies mostly in their own hands. Emotional boundaries help establish how much support you can give, and in turn, receive.

Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries help ensure your physical needs are met. This can include food, water, and shelter. It may also include your personal space and elements of physical touch.

Time Boundaries

There are plenty of people and commitments that require our time each day. Establishing boundaries helps balance the scale of spending time with each other and doing personal hobbies or activities.

Communication Boundaries

Handling conflict and challenges that arise require a certain finesse. Boundaries can help keep you in check. For example, avoiding any name-calling, staying present in the argument, and refraining from digging up past issues that aren’t relevant.

Digital Boundaries

This one is something that has become more necessary in recent years. Social media is a dominant force and many people use this as a platform to air their personal lives. For some this is acceptable, but for others it’s an undesirable practice. Digital boundaries set the tone for what you do and don’t want online.

How to Set Effective Boundaries

Before you can set productive boundaries, you need to evaluate what matters to you. You also need to have conversations with your partner to get their take. This might require a little bit of time for each of you to do some soul searching.

One big piece of the puzzle is to communicate clearly with your partner to express your boundaries. You want to be direct, but also compassionate and caring.

Whatever you decide your boundaries are going to be, it’s important that you’re consistent in maintaining them. A wishy-washy approach often results in ineffective implementation, mainly because it can be confusing to your partner.

Most importantly, remember that they go both ways. You are going to work to communicate and enforce your boundaries to protect your space and well-being. Your partner should be doing the same thing. Mutual respect towards both each other and the boundaries will go a long way.

Tending to Your Boundaries

Once you start navigating the realm of setting boundaries with your partner, you may have to revisit them from time to time. As you go through different chapters of life within your relationship, and as you experience personal growth as an individual, you may find you’ve outgrown certain things.

If you start feeling resentful towards your partner or your relationship as a whole, if you feel overwhelmed in the places your boundaries are supposed to be helping, or if you find yourself struggling to say no, this could be a sign that they need attention.

Seeking Help

Being able to communicate your needs isn’t always easy or comfortable. It can feel daunting and overwhelming at times.

If you’re unsure of where to start or need a bit of guidance in implementing your boundaries in your relationship, therapy can be a great tool. Let’s work together to get on the path to success. Contact me to learn more.